A Closure at the Rumor Mill

**WARNING** If you want to know where I'm at and what my personal opinion on weight loss is, get cozy, it's going to be a looooong post. Some of you may have noticed from chatting with me or from my time on cam that I have lost a little weight. This post is to close down a past rumor and any future ones that pop up because of my diminishing size. This will more than likely be some what controversial but I feel that it's in my best interest to tell you all the truth of the situation and not blow smoke up your collective asses.

Here are the facts, and then we'll go over a few things afterwards.

1. Yes I have lost weight, and yes I am actively losing weight. (I can just about hear the cumulative out cries from FAs and admirers across the globe screaming "NOOOOOOOOO")
2. NO, I did not, have never, and will never go under the knife for weight loss surgery!
3. Yes, one day I'd like to have some offspring, and for the benefit of myself and the future twinkle in my eye I cannot be the size that I am.
4. I am in great health and always have been, but there gets to be a point in most overweight peoples lives where they say, enough.

Now as far as rumors go, I have it on good authority who started the WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) one and I'm sad to say this was most likely started but a "colleague" in my industry. To protect my "source" I can't give out names but it always just plain sucks when someone from your "team" has to stir an already muddled pot. But anyhow I digress. So I guess this all came about a little over two years ago after I dropped from 405 pounds to 355 pounds over about five months. I worked my ever loving ass off for those 50 pounds, and although there are a lot of people who have very real and valid health issues, requiring them to get WLS . .  I am NOT one of them. I took charge of my life because I wasn't happy at that size and I certainly wasn't comfortable. So ya know? I changed things. After losing the 50 pounds I felt so much better about myself not just for looks or health but because I felt more like "me" again.

Well I stopped losing after the initial 50 pounds, went back to eating crappy stuff, and in two years I had gained back 15 of what I had lost. I got to a point where all of that great tasting "crap" got old and tiresome. Cheesecake is GREAT, but it's ideal in moderation. Let's be honest . . if you were in mixed company and asked "Any of you ladies ever eaten a whole cheesecake?" you'd probably get laughed out of the room or there would be many raised eyebrows, right? I've done my own eating videos in the past by request, but they were done as a fetish fulfillment. I've never gone to McDonalds and ordered five double cheeseburgers, three fries, a giant shake, and THEN gone to gag in the bag for more. I've never been a big eater, and you can ask ANYONE who knows me or has had a meal with me to find out that I'm the slowest eater in the world.

Now, I know this is a very controversial subject and I have kept my mouth shut on my personal journey with this but ya know what? I don't really care what anyone but myself thinks about this because it is I that has to live in this body and no one else. I'm just here to set the record straight, take it or leave it. I may lose some fans or members in the process, but that's understandable. I'm not a gainer (never have been), and pretty soon I won't fit into the "SSBBW" category anymore either. But when I started on the web modeling I was much, MUCH lighter than I am now. I think that can be said for a lot of plus sized ladies in this industry. We are encouraged on an almost daily basis to gain and get bigger and "sexier" by our fans. It's a personal choice whether or not you decide to get bigger, and if you do find yourself 100 pounds heavier from when you started doing this it's your choice alone to stay on the same road or turn around and go back.

It's a shame when ever I see a model or former model post on a forum that she's thinking about losing weight or is asking for support only to be shot down from both sides. It's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. Because if you gain you're labeled some kind of freak show by society, if you lose and talk about it you must be some kind of hypocrite. So what's a girl to do guys? I can tell you that this girl is going to do what she's always done . . stay true to herself. For the ladies, do what is in YOUR best interest, because this is your life and I'm pretty sure this is the only one we've got to play with so make it the best you can, bigger or smaller.

Remember to always be true to yourself, no matter where it leads you.

-Gwen-